the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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