at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
