Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
