i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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