so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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