he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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