Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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