He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
