so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
