you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
