I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
