3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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