we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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