he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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