i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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