Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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