You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My feet surprised me
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