OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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