Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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