1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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