Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
