am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
