Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
