I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
