No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
