guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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