Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
