We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
