Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love having hate sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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