STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
