Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
