I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
