im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
