I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
