You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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