We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
