I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
