just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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