EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
