Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
