Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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