There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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