Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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