whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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