Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
