Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
