well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
