how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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