Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
