Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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