I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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