Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
