Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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