What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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