BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize