a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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