3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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