I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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