I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize