Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
