we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
