She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
