Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
