ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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