i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize