I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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