Can i not drive my cunt home
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
