Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
