It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
