also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
