In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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